Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
The days following my Dad's death were a mixture of so many emotions, from shock to disbelief to a gradual acceptance and overwhelming sorrow. On Saturday, April 5, my Mom's house was filled with an assortment of people. Here she is with 6'4" Andy towering over her. I can see the sorrow on Ben's face as he looks on...
The entire family - approximately 25 of us- met at La Hacienda for dinner that night, and Margie stayed with Mom.
I didn't take any pictures during the next few days which were filled with attending church with Mom, meeting with the funeral director, picking Rachel up at the airport, and the memorial service on Thursday, April 10.
The service was beautiful. Matt and Rachel gave moving tributes to their Grandpa, and Larry read mine for me...
When Mom asked me to write a tribute to my Dad, I thought to myself, “How can I condense 64 years of influence into just a few minutes?” It seemed like an impossible task, but here goes…
First of all, Dad was extremely caring and patient. Whenever I had a sliver in my foot or needed help with my history homework, he would pull out the tweezers or the Encyclopedia Britannica and get to work. He was never rushed to get on to something else. Whatever any of us needed at the moment, he saw to. I have wished so many times in my life that I had even half as much patience.
And he was generous to a fault. Whether it was someone who needed a loan to next payday or a homeless man on the street, he always managed to dig a little deeper into his pockets to help out. And it was never surprising to wake up to find a relative a little down on his luck asleep in a makeshift bed somewhere in the house, for however long it took to make things better.
My Dad inspired me in so many ways to be a better person, even when I was tempted to take the easy way out. One thing that was very important to both my parents was honoring our right to vote. I remember standing outside the voting booth when I was a child and thinking that I could hardly wait until I was old enough to participate in what seemed like a very mysterious and almost magical activity. On one Election Day when I was in my mid-twenties, I realized that I had recently moved and was no longer living in my registered voting precinct. I happened to mention it to Dad, and he rushed over and drove me to the old precinct so that I could cast my ballot. I’ve never missed an election day since, and have even done my share of campaigning.
And then there were the practical life lessons that I’m sure many fathers feel that they need to pass on to their daughters – the things that they could ask a man to take care of, but really should be able to do for themselves… changing a flat tire, checking the oil in the car, mowing the lawn. I got the oil and the lawn mowing down, but even though Dad showed me how to change a tire, I still got on the phone and called him whenever I had a blowout. He would be there ASAP, and he never once said “Didn’t I show you how to do this yourself?” That just wasn’t him. And for some reason I was forever locking my keys in my car – once again I was on the phone to Dad and he was there in a flash, with never a reprimand or indication that I had put him out.
Perhaps the greatest gifts my Dad gave me happened after my children came along. I was a single Mom during most of their growing up years, and my Dad was there primary male role model. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I know that both Matt and Rachel thank their Grandpa for giving them the love of the outdoors that they have passed on to their own children. Those trips to the Ponderosa were priceless – memories that will live on and on.
There is so much more- the midnight Chinese dinners that he would pick up on his way home from work; following him up a snow covered trail in Mount Rainier National Park, knowing I wouldn’t fall over the edge because my Dad was there with me; snuggling deep down in my sleeping bag while he got up before everyone else to make sure the camp fire was blazing before we ventured out of the tent; catching grasshoppers for fish bait and showing me how to bait the hook; and his special blackberry pancakes that needed nothing more than a dollop of butter and
a bit of sugar; and fixing me a vodka and orange juice on my 40th birthday and telling me, “It’s all uphill from here.”
I have no doubt that my dad knew that I loved him. I just wish that I had said it more often. So this is my opportunity to say it one last time – I love you, Dad.
There was a lovely reception following the service. Rachel got to meet her beautiful little second-cousin, Violet...
Andy and Ben looked so handsome in their new duds...
The church ladies did an excellent job with the food. We all found something to enjoy while chatting.
We took the flowers and mementos that had been on the memory table back to Mom's house, and the family gathered for hours of remembering dad, sipping wine and beer, looking through old photo albums, and enjoying Gabe's amazing chicken!
Amy and Violet
Matt found some funny old snapshots.
Paul is an amazing Daddy! One of many of the gentle giants who are a part of our family.
Stacy and Margie
Mom
Ben couldn't get enough of those old photo albums!
It was good for us all to have this time to re-connect and support each other after such a heart-wrenching week. I am indeed blessed to have such a caring, loving family, and so much of what makes each and every one of them the wonderful people that they are comes from my Dad!
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